oww, i dont feel a sense of belonging.
except in school. i quite like their seriousness and fun-ness.
its true, how i can be very realistic.
i dont see it, i wont believe in it.
is it because nobody understands me? (very commonly heard)
or is it because (was told) i didnt give anybody nor myself any chance.?
any chance of trusting them. and telling them how i feel, what i want.
for those who connected well to me, how did they do it then?
sometimes i wonder, did they guess my heart? or they just knew?
i used to have friends saying "ive always been trying to know you".
they will say they want to know what i like, what i dont like.
it was fine, not weird at all. and i was glad too.
actually it was by own preference to observe, i didnt expect much.
i think i must be sick, down with a disease.
i knew my mistakes, yet i couldnt correct my mistakes after so long.
you see, i can shoot, be honest and say things directly.
when comes to problems in a relationship, i couldnt help.
but to be mum and actually tries to avoid saying anything about the strains.
i actually lost friends because of this illness, yet im still doing it.
after being lost of friends, i will regret.
why couldnt i just speak up? but usually, those were too late.
today, im still the same. and still regretting, especially towards a girl pal.
not sure thinking whats so hard about saying, i still just couldnt say.
and recently, my emotions were like erupting from the inside.
now its better. but still..
i feel, lonely. i have no sense of belonging.
have nowhere to go.
waiting. when will i know, what im seeking for?