you know, maybe its not totally that because i have attitude problem. yes i do have that problem since then, never changed. but somehow i also feel that im the only stupid one who will actually believe my boyfriend or friends of what they say. i believed too much, i should have known well. people dont always mean what they say. i am so gullible! expected too much.
shyt lah, i cannot trust anymore. wonder is that how it is.
my friend said rather directly that he wants to woo me. i dont think this is the right time to say such things (is he dumb or what?), or anytime is ever the right time at all for him. dont get why guys like to ask "you and your boyfriend break?". lucky this guy is my friend, or else i sure think he is another bastard (to block contact with). seriously, i am such a lousy person. i easily get petty, easily get sensitive, easily get irritated, and i have attitude problem. i am not a good girlfriend afterall. why not friends, tell leslie he is blind? its quite a torture for him. i couldnt really get it.
when he treats me well, i take him for granted, i would suan him, say hurting things to actually want to irk him. when he becomes sensitive, i would find him rather irritating. when he does something which i dont like, i will ignore him. then when i get angry or what, he would give in a lot, a lot. 40% of what i talk to him is about normal stuffs like school, people, blah blah, but the remaining 60% of what i say is always the opposite, never meant from the heart. everytime i thought of what i said after that, i would regret and think "i am really a
chee bye lah" (label adapted from ks). and dammit, i everytime cry.
go school stress, at home feel quite useless, in a relationship quite trapped. really having a hard time. but i am going to meet my counselling friend soon, i dont want to think of dying so young. i dont want to talk to my friends, be with them so i wouldnt cry (even in bus or public also cannot help it, i know im hopeless). by right, nobody can help me but myself, i think. at least my friend offer to want to help me. she knows i used to have depression, and im pretty strong.
my mama told me before that, because at home i never talk back or speak a word of justice for myself no matter how unreasonable they can be, so outside i would show temper. somehow i find that rather true? not just that, i also have a mind of my own. everybody do have choices in life. nobody could really force one another to make decisions. you cant really blame someone when something goes wrong, everybody in that situation are at fault by right. its how you want to look at it.
soon what i wrote about how depressed i am will be craps. i can get over such matters, in the matter of whether i will think about it or not.
funfair until 1st july, scare what.
oceans thirteen, wait for me.
that dress and those tops, ive got to have them.
good charlotte's good morning revival, be mine.